Looking for Feedback

Hey all, Onihime here. I've been kicking around ideas on reworking Oni's character and Zanpakuto and was wondering if I could get some feedback, as I don't want her to be OP.

Name: Fierna Xinivrae

Age: 23 (637)

Height: 6'8"

Weight: 157

Appearance: Onihime is a Demoness. Tall with a slim yet curvy athletic build standing at 6"8. Skin color is grey, with long orange hair stopping just below her shoulder blades.. Eyes are the colors of flames (Think "Eye of Sauron"). Clawed feet,(4 sharp claws in the front, and 1 clawed digit on the back of her heel.) and a 4" long tail. A set of horns that curve around the sides of her head, 2"6 inches in length. She also has a pair of leathery wings on her back, spanning nearly 8 feet in length, when fully extended. She wears a modified Shinigami outfit.

Horns look like:

Spoiler:

Hair like this (only on fire in Shikai):

Spoiler:

Hair in Bankai:

Spoiler:

Gigai: When in the Mortal World, Onihime looks like a Human. Which causes her some issues at first, as she has to relearn how to walk now that her legs are that of a Human. Her skin is a slightly tanned color, everything else is the same as her Demon form, save for her missing horns, wings and tail. She wears a black business suit, red under shirt, with a skirt and red high heels.

Spoiler:

Spirit Power: Depends, while she has masterful control over her SP she still has a rather powerful limiter placed on her while in the Living world and in SS, and her Zanpakuto has an effect on her Spirit Power as well.

12.5% - Great SP - with Zan sealed and limiter in place.
25% - Immense SP - Shikai + Limiter / Sealed and No Limiter
50% - Vast SP - Shikai and No Limiter
75% - Massive SP - Bankai with Limiter. 30 min time limit
100% - Crushing SP - Bankai with No Limiter. 15 min time limit

Zanjutsu - Expert
Kido - Specialist
Shunpo - Expert
Hakudo - Expert

Offense - 100
Defense - 90
Speed - 85
Kido/Reiatsu - 95
Intelligence - 75
Stamina - 100

Total: 525

Zanpakutou


Name: Ken Jigoku Hinote (Blade of Hell Fire)

Spirit Form:

Spoiler:

Inner World (Optional):

Shikai Command: Dance - Ken Jigoku Hinote (Blade of Hell Fire)

Shikai Transformation (Optional):

Shikai Form: Bottom sword with the blade on fire.

Spoiler:

Shikai Abilities:

Cauterizing Blade. In Shikai form, Onihime's Zanpakuto is searing hot. Instantly cauterizing the wounds of her enemies when they are cut.

Wave of Hell Fire - A GT type attack, channels her reiatsu into her Zanpakuto. Releasing it with a swing of her Zans, she sends a large crescent shaped wave of fire at her target.

First Dance - Blazing Hell Moon - Calls out the name of the dance while holding her Zanpakutō upside down. The blade glows, and she makes a slashing motion when her target is in position. When she does this, she draws a circle with the tip of Ken Jigoku Hinote. The space within that circle and anything inside becomes super heated, the ground becoming scorched and catching fire, the target possibly getting incinerated.  The circle not only scorches the ground, but everything within the circle's influence, including anything above it in the air, creating an extending pillar as fire erupts from the ground, incinerating all within the circle.

Second Dance - Torrent of Hell Fire - Drawing a pentagram in the air in front of her with her Zanpakuto, once complete the pentagram ignites. Pulling her sword back, then thrusting her Zanpakuto forward into the center of the pentagram, she sends a blast of fire towards her target, burning all in it's path to ash.

Third Dance - Hell Tree - Stabbing her blade into the ground, she targets her enemy with her reiatsu before channeling the heat of her Zanpakuto towards them. Upon reaching the target the ground with erupt with magma around the enemy, taking the form of a tree. Trapping them inside, the tree then bursts into flames burning them to ash.

(If you have Bankai)

Bankai Name: Megami Jigoku Hinote (Goddess of Hell Fire)

Bankai Command: Bankai - Megami Jigoku Hinote (Goddess of Hell Fire)

Bankai Transformation (Optional):

Bankai Form: Center one x10 with the blades on fire.

Fights like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56G5hSHmyn0&list=FLgAskvihpzJ69R9ugXaSPSA&index=2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfZxxis1rUc

Spoiler:

Bankai Abilities:

AOE Effect. Activating her Bankai, she also activates an AOE 100 yards around her. If the limiter is still applied, the ground will only be scorched but the heat can still cause weaker enemies to burst into flames. With the limiter lifted, the ground get super heated and can start to turn into magma with random violent eruptions happening all around. Only the strongest of enemies wont instantly burst into flames.

Cauterizing Blades. In Banikai form, all 10 blades are searing hot. Instantly cauterizing the wounds of her enemies when they are cut.

Wave of Hell Fire x10 - A GT type attack, channels her reiatsu into her Zanpakuto. Releasing it with a swing of her Zans, she sends a large crescent shaped wave of fire at her target. Able to fire 10 Waves of Hell Fire at her enemy as the floating blades can mimic her attack.

"Get over here!" - Shooting her blade(s) out at her enemy, should it/they hit, impale the target. Once the target is impaled she can form Hell Chains from their base, connecting them to the palm of her hands. At which point she can pull her enemies into her for an attack or swing them around and slam them into the ground.

First Dance - Blazing Hell Moon - can now be cast anywhere within her AOE and up to 10 pillars can erupt at a time.

Second Dance Act 1 - Twin Torrents of Hell Fire - Bring her swords together to form two pentagrams, she can now fire two torrents of Hell Fire at her enemies.

Second Dance Act 2 - Raging Torrent of Hell Fire - Bringing all 10 swords together to form one large pentagram, she fire a massive torrent of Hell Fire at her enemies.

Third Dance - Hell Forest - Stabbing all 10 swords into the ground, she can now target up to 10 enemies at a time.

Forth Dance - Beam of White Hot Hell Fire - Bringing her swords in front of her and pointing them at her target the swords start to spin in a circle. As they spin, their combined heat forms an orb of Hell Fire in the center. She can then release that Hell Fire in the form of a beam of white hot energy at her target, splitting it in half.

Fifth Dance - Deadly Rave - She can shoot her swords into flaming portals that will then open portals all around her target. Once the portals are formed, with the target inside of the dome/sphere, the swords will then randomly fire out of the portals at the target.

(This last ability is only usable if the limiter has been lifted. ALSO Note that with her Zan Spirit Summoned, their combined reiatsu reaches Overwhelming status.)

Final Dance - Deadly Waltz with the Megami Jigoku Hinote (Goddess of Hell Fire) - Bringing her swords together to form a large pentagram on the ground, she can summon forth the spirit of her Zanpakuto to fight alongside her. Her Zanpakuto spirit also has 10 swords at her command and can use all of it's abilities. The AOE increases in size by double and the perimeter erupts into 20 pillars of Hell Fire, trapping the enemy within and stopping anyone else from entering.

That's all for now. Tomorrow I post what her limits and weaknesses are.

Huh, seems pretty interesting so far, but with her overwhelming power I'd have to see her weaknesses before I can really give any decent feedback. All I can say for now is, "Strong, very strong!"

ok, going into Fierna's weaknesses.

While the limiter is in place, Fierna is weakest against water and Ice type attacks. As they can rapidly cool or freeze her Zanpakuto, causing it to explode. However this weakness would be greatly reduced in her no limit Bankai release as the heat of her AOE would leave the air too dry and hot for water and ice attacks to work. NOTE It is extremely rare for her limiter to be lifted.

The limiter itself is in place even in SS to help avoid accidentally harming or killing the Human souls in SS. As it is strictly forbidden for a Demon to harm a living, plus or passed on soul, for they are not condemned souls and thus a Demon has no right to harm them. Demons guilty of doing such are themselves condemned, imprisoned and punished for their crimes and breaking the treaty between SS and Hell. As such, Fierna is further forbidden from using her Shikai or Bankai in a populated area.

HOWEVER, the exception is made when dealing with Hollows, Arrancar, Bount, Fullbringer and Quincy. Should they be hostile, a Demon would have the right to defend themselves. Same goes for defending themselves against a hostile Shinigami as well. Even then, the fight would have to be taken to an unpopulated area, as to avoid harming the innocent.

Other weaknesses include: Poison, Toxins, Kidou, Gravity, Light, Dark and Sense altering abilities.

Fierna is just as subjectable to the above abilities as anyone else.

The detail imo is very well done and more in depth than what I could do. detail pro.
I especially like the dance mechanic.

Thanks!

Also of note. (This is just an idea and WIP atm) Fierna isn't a Shinigami/Soul Reaper/Death God, she's a Kokarite (Sin Reaper) of the Goetia and her Sword is a Zaigoukiritetou (Sin cutter Sword). Still a WIP, but the idea is that her sword doesn't have a spirit of it's own, nor is it her own inner abilities manifesting themselves.

The way a Kokarite's sword works, is all are given a sword but it is up to them to form a contract with another entity. ie an Elemental, an Elemental Deity(God/Goddess), even one of the Lords of Hell. At which point the sword is imbued/blessed with a portion of their power, an inner world created and an Avatar of whom ever the contract was made with, bound to the sword. The sword also binds the Demon themselves. The Demon and their Zaigoukiritetou both have Sealed, Released (true) and Unbound (empowered) forms.

All still a WIP atm.

Alright, now that I've read the weaknesses of the character I'd have to say that it kinda balances out itself more or less. She's beastly strong, but restricted at the same time. She's got enough stuff to keep her from rampaging that I think it'd be fine. Also like kane said, lots of detail went into this and that's pretty good.

I'm thinking that having a rogue faction / class can be difficult to maintain by yourself. I tried a long time ago to do something similar, but it's imo too tall of an order to run all the workings to make the faction itself believable. One can't predict if or when her back story or faction affiliations will come up and how they'd mash with people of other factions. From what I've seen for this RP though, there wouldn't be any unwanted fights in any case.

That being said, if going full rogue suits you, then go for it. After all, general non-Quincy Humans aren't really a faction yet, and since your character has a gigai, then walking amongst mortals shouldn't be hard. You would have to work harder to get in or around the other realms. I'm interested to see where it'd all go.

Well, the faction wouldn't really factor into the RP at all, it's just what exists in Hell. Though like I said, it's all still a work in progress right now. If anyone has any suggestion on how best to handle this or a work around so it's not an issue, I'd welcome that feedback.

Erm well honestly I am confused about what you want. Do you want it to work on this site? Or another? Knowing the restrictions in place would help immensely as well as the setting.

Mostly I'm just recreating my Oni characters Zan and wanted some feedback from friends and Bleach RPers I know and respect, on rather or not I made it OP. Suggestions on any possible alterations, does it need more or fewer limitations ect. If I were to RP with it, it would be here. For now though, I'm just in a creative mood and wanted to update my OC.

Well, looking over it, it looks like an okay enough zan. Might need some balance tweaking. My primary concern however is that our site doesn't y'know... Have demons ;>_>. While we obviously diverge from the bleach canon on some world stuff it's in ways that are at least hypothetically possible in bleach.

Plus, we have our hands full just filling out the factions we have now. "Demons" is just a whole can of worms for adding races.

Hehe, well I used her on Sunny's other Bleach RP and we worked around the whole Demon thing. However, if that's an issue here, and if I decide to RP, I can easily make her a normal Shinigami. I still keep her limiter in place, as her abilities are very destructive and Shinigami also tend to avoid harming Plus Souls and Living Humans.

I've honestly never been one to like "if this happens, then this and this happens and character is dead' type attacks ._. But that's honestly personal opinion? Not necessarily anything else.

However it is an improvement over the original one you sent me. A lot more polished.

Shanks already commented on what I was gonna too, about not having demons ._. and it'd need tweaking for the site just a bit in that insta kill attacks wouldn't be allowed? Not sure how you would rework things to make her a not-demon and how that would work though... So if you did make it for the site I'd have to relook it over to see how it changed.

I was thinking... maybe she looks demonic during bankai? That'd make changes a bit easier right?

Thanks for the feedback guys! Yes, I'm working on making her a normal Shinigami atm and like Shinya suggested above, her Bankai will give her a more Demonic look. Like how Hitsugaya's Bankai gives him Icy wings, a tail and covers his arms, lower legs and feet. Hers would do the same, only with Magma/Obsidian like armor.

Oooh okay, I'm pretty sure that would work.