One Rotten Apple

Averting her eyes at Suki's question, Muika gave a small breath; choosing to focus on various objects along the path as she worked on an answer.

"Well...when...when I was little they got me." She answered after a few moments, in the end choosing to give the girl the truth. "I got away, but, I didn't pay attention to where it was. I just...just ran..."

Suki stopped walking and squeezed Muika's hand even harder. She looked up at Muika with watery eyes, unsure of what to say. The little girl felt guilty making her confess that information. Now it made sense how Muika knew so much, like why the group targeted only orphans. She was really at a loss for words now. Muika was an orphan, but she looked so strong as an adult now.

The young girl let go and stepped a bit forward, turning around with her arms wide, nodding her head to indicate that it was alright for Muika to hug her and let out her emotions if need be.

Muika turned and looked down at Suki when she felt the girl stop walking, her eyes widening slightly when she too notice of the unshed tears in her eyes. She felt her let go of her hand after a moment and step forward, opening her arms to indicate what Muika assumed was a hug.

Eventually, she turned; squatting down in front of the girl and opening her own arms some. She wasn't used to...initiating hugs or all of this affection stuff in general, sometimes she felt like her actions were awkward. It was something she was still getting used to...she wasn't bothered by them or anything, it was just a little embarrassing on her part at times.

Suki was a child though, so no awkwardness should be expected really but...she was still a bit shy about being the one to start any sort of action; so if the girl wanted a hug she was giving her the okay to do so.

"It's..It's okay, I just...don't want to see anyone else go through what I did so...that's why I was being um...like I was about everything."

Suki walked in slowly and gave Muika a soft hug as she was kneeling down, petting the back of her head as she squeezed as tightly as she could. It was an awkward stance because Muika was so big.

"But you have feelings too..." Suki said. "and I didn't stop to think how you could have been hurt in all this..."

"You're hiding it because you're an adult, but you don't always have to be strong, and it shouldn't just be you making sure nothing bad happens. It's too much for one person to take. It isn't fair..."

Suki wasn't...entirely correct, but Muika could understand her answer. She didn't hide her feelings because she was an adult, she hid them because that's what she'd been doing most of her life. It was a hard habit to break from and she was still growing accustomed to not hiding them...

She was getting better about it, slowly but surely.

"It's alright, It's...hard to talk about sometimes but if talking about it means...I can help someone from not being in the same situation then I will." She replied, "plus, you had no way of knowing, not for certain anyway."

It was a lot for one person, Suki was right on that part but if she didn't try to do anything about it then who would? It was only recently...she'd even thought about saving anyone. It'd just been revenge before, getting payback for the twelve years worth of lies. That had been all. She'd been thinking only about herself in the situation. She wasn't some hero, she'd had no illusions of completely obliterating the organization. She was just one person. It was impossible for just her by herself...

She wasn't entirely alone anymore though, which helped her...it helped her a lot even though she couldn't easily admit it that often. She was thinking less selfishly in terms of revenge and the thought of having a normal life, a thought she'd banished, was returning. It seemed more possible now...like it could actually become reality.

That wouldn't erase the past, obviously; that was something that couldn't just go away and while she couldn't erase it she could move past it--move forward.

Muika was too kind to be an adult. Suki could now hardly believe that even when she was trying to console her, Muika allowed it, didn't say anything against it, and was still trying to play off her own emotions to make her feel better.

It still wasn't fair that she was helping but nobody could help her. If the police couldn't trust her, then who could? Suki trusted her, but that's because she had seen her restraint. Suki imagined Muika again, with the pipe in her hand, but didn't follow through. Suki saw Muika as a hero, even if she didn't see it in herself. Heroes spared lives. It took great strength, with a personal history with them.

"I still don't know what I'm going to do when you're gone. What if I don't see you again? I don't want to say goodbye..."

"I visit the city a lot, so I'm sure you'll spot me from time to time." Muika replied, trying to give the girl some reassurance. She was a bit surprised by the girl's apparent attachment to her, though she didn't let that show in her expression.

She hoped the girl would somehow find out a way to do chores and such things that involved going into the city with a chaperon...if she continued doing things as she had today and apparently even before then, Muika knew she couldn't guarantee she'd be around if something were to happen again.

"That's not what I meant!" she wailed. "I don't want to just 'spot' you. I want to go to the park again with you and watch the ducks, meet your friends, maybe eat ice cream and watch movies together..."

Suki knew she was acting needy but she couldn't help herself. Muika could be the big sister that she never had, someone to be a friend when times at home were rough. She didn't realize that the idol worship was growing quickly to form an emotional dependence.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean... I did mean. I'm sorry." She wiped her tears with a sleeve, and she shook her head in sullen self-defeat.

At the girl's outburst, Muika moved her hand to the girl's head. It...usually helped when comforting someone, it helped her at least...so maybe? "I'm sorry, I didn't understand...If you ever see me, stop me...I'll talk and visit with you some and who knows, maybe I'll be with my friend and you'll get to meet him."

She wasn't...as accessible as she should be but that really hadn't ever bothered her before considering the only people she really knew aside from Iyuki were her boss and Aoi and Aoi was the only one out of the two shinigami that really counted as 'friend' so she'd never really...had to worry about being accessible before.

"I'm sorry I'm...not that easy to reach." She apologized, "I've never really...had to worry about it but yeah, I come here a lot so if you do see me, I'll visit with you."

She didn't really know what else to say, considering she didn't even live in the city...it was a difficult situation but she didn't want the girl to be upset.

She didn't understand; just like an adult wouldn't understand. Muika didn't think that saving her went beyond removing her from danger. Suki made a bond with Muika, whether she knew of it or not. Suki hated the conditional term of seeing her to be the next time they would meet. It was similar to the adult trick that Suki knew from her parents: the 'later' addition. It didn't specify the next time because adults never kept strict promises, being vague, and the promise could be infinitely delayed with another 'later'.

There was nothing she could say in response to this, though. Suki was still just a kid, and she didn't want to seem ungrateful towards someone that saved her life and spared her the pain that Muika only hinted at and never really said. Suki really liked the way that Muika touched her head though.

"I'd like that very much." she said softly. It was still better than nothing.

Suki slowly disengaged the hug, and nodded, now trying to act strong like Muika. "My house is close by here and I can walk the rest of the way. It'd be better if my parents didn't see you."

Suki didn't want Muika talking with them, because she couldn't stand the thought of Muika agreeing with them on anything, and it would be better in terms of the lie she would tell her parents. "I'm going to make sure my parents don't leave me to shop in the city alone again, even if that means being punished for it."

"Alright, I'll see you next time then." Muika replied, then thought of something. "Ah, hmm...I should be around tomorrow afternoon for a little while. I need to pick up a few things at the grocery store so maybe then?"

She couldn't give exact times, as she wasn't sure herself but perhaps some more assurance that she'd be around tomorrow might help?

"Maybe." Suki repeated, though she still sounded sad.

Maybe meant never in her world of experience. Maybe was what adults put in place of a promise so they wouldn't feel bad about never going through with anything 'maybe'. It was a cruel word to a girl that wanted everything to go her way, or at least try and know what she could expect from other people.

Suki also didn't know if her parents would allow her to shop with them or hire a babysitter after the lie she had decided to tell them as soon as she came home. After all, she was without her basket and all the money was gone. She would say she traded it for stupid things and then lost it all. She turned around but reluctantly, clenching her hands as she did so, and ran off.

She still seemed upset, judging by her tone with her response which Muika had picked up on...was she doubting her? Before she had the chance to ask, Suki took off. "I-I'll be at the grocery store, n-near the cake shop tomorrow!"

Muika tried to call, though she wasn't sure if she'd been loud enough exactly. Her voice had picked up some so it was louder but she was pretty quiet to begin with...so she could only hope the girl hadn't run far enough to be out of earshot...

She remained there for a moment...waiting, wanting to be sure the girl got in alright even if she couldn't see the girl's house from here. After a few more moments of waiting, she turned and began walking off. The cake shop should still be open...she could head back there before heading home like she'd originally planned...She'd need to hurry though. Thinking that, her pace picked up some as she left the neighborhood.