TO CATCH A BURGLAR

Des over the past month had become a tiny itsy bit obsessed with a certain bount and had spent the entirety of her day thinking and plotting a revenge plan. And she finally had it, she finally came up with something that went beyond Tom and Jerry level of planning.

Step 1: Rent a building
Step 2: Make it look nice as shit and expensive
Step 3: Start advertising it as a museum
Step 4: "acquire" a rare diamond
Step 5: ???
Step 6: PROFIT

Oh ho ho, this plan was expensive and resource consuming and most likely illegal but she needed to put her fist in that woman's face. She was bound to come one of these days.

"Please, pleas ecome. I've burnt my entire vacation time on this shit. I need to punch your bitch face, bitch." Des muttered to her self as she sat in the dark room the only source of illumination was the light that kept the display lit up.

Desdemona's plan apparently saw fruit. At least in the form of a small bount woman who portaled into the room where the rare diamond was kept. In the dark room, she could barely be seen but her energy could easily be sensed. She had heard rumors and come, her wish for this diamond strong.

It had seemed utterly legitimate, besides why would the bount ever think someone would set this whole thing up for her? That was entirely insane. Whoever the fuck did this would have way too much time on their hands.

OHHOHO INSANE AND TOO MUCH TIME ON HER HANDS IS THE PERFECT WAY TO DESCRIBE DES. The captain had to bite her lip and clench her fist til she was drawing blood to resist the urge to shout obscenity at the girl. Slowly the captain reached into her pocket as she pulled out another tazer bomb. The captain just glared at the woman as she primed the bomb. I'm going to enjoy this, revenge is so fucking delicious. I will give up getting married just to taste this kind of revenge all of the time. The captain mused to herself as the grenade got closer and closer to detonation.

Unable to safely hold the grenade without tazing her self into oblivion the captain rolled the grenade across the floor towards the fucking crook.

Time to star the show.

To say the woman was shocked was an understatement. There was no security, no nothing, so she was a bit wary. Not wary enough to predict the grenade that rolled towards her with a soft sound.

"SHITTING FUCKER!" Naki was unable to get away in time, attempting to open a portal and hop back but was caught in the blast. She fell to the floor, stunned as her body shook. What the FUCKKING FUCK WAS THIS SHIT!? She couldn't speak, but this fucker was gonna pay.

HOLY FUCK IT WORKED. Des damn near had an orgasm at the sight of Naki convulsing on the floor. She was just brimming with happiness. Des stood up and quickly flicked a light switch illuminating the room up. "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!" The captain said as she stepped forward. Now at this moment, one could see how awful this obsession with revenge had been. The captain had blood shot eyes with deep black bags under her eyes, her hair was a greasey matted mess, her the captain was wearing a mangy sweatpant and sweatshirt combo it was safe to say the captain looked like a mess.

"I did it, I caught you, I fucking caught you I don't even know what to do right now. What should I do to you besides give myself a little insurance to keep you from escaping?" The captain said as she pulled out another grenade and tossed it idly up and down just to make sure the girl knew that she could eat another rousing shock therapy session.

The lights blinked on, causing her eyes to hurt from the bursting brightness. Clenching them closed for a moment, she heard that stupid ass phrase and growled.

Through her paralyzed state, Naki managed to growl out as her eyes watched the other grenade. "You GOBLIN CUNT LICKER!"

The woman was obsessed, her looks telling way too much for Naki's taste. What the fucking fuck had she done to her? That stupid grenade... She'd have to let the woman's guard fall before she could escape. No use portaling away only to end up fucked worse because of paralyzation.

"What the SHIT is wrong with you, tracksuit whore? Goddamn it. The fuck?!"

Des stopped tossing the grenade and stared emotionlessly at the woman on the ground in front of her seemingly contemplating something before the tossing resume while the captain began to speak, "What's wrong with me is that I was once like you, I was heir to a giant fucking crime family and despite my best efforts some of those morals still float around in my head. The biggest rule that stuck is, 'Never taunt the police, their sole job is to hunt bad guys' and you my whorey little friend broke that rule. You ran your cock intake that you call a mouth at me while you made off with your stolen loot. So I obsessed over catching you and shoving my fist so far into your face that your pimps wouldn't be able to tell the difference between your face and your gaping asshole."

Des stopped for a second and looked at her grenade before letting out a sigh, "But as we both can tell, I've gone to far. SO I'm going to ask you for your honest answer, What should I do to you?"

"Well you just fucking proved you're nothing like me you blind ass bitch. Imma fucking bount. I don't have shit or anything. If I make it through the day I count it a good one, broke ass whore." Naki was stalling for time but nothing showed on her face towards that. She needed to be unparalyzed and then she'd leave this fucking crazy ass bitch...

Though seriously... What if she continued to chase and look for her? How the SHIT was Naki supposed to deal with a shinigami this fucking pissed off, with this many resources? Ignoring all the insults for now, she just stared. "I'm your fucking prisoner. The fuck you asking me this shit? I have a fucking video reply to your question though. Too goddamn bad I can't get at my phone."

(OOC: https://youtu.be/pkba-r8NmJk?t=20s )

"Ohhoho, I'm the broke ass whore. I have a steady job, you steal and take dick ovary punches regularly to survive." The shinigami said with a chuckle. Interacting with the foul mouth is always a fun experience.

"But you're right I am the one in charge in here, so lets say this. I let you go, you never ever fucking come to the soul society and steal and we can call it even. I know you're use to deals that usually end up with you getting used like a whore but luckily for you I'm not into slutty girls."

"Hah, you spent a fortune on this shit and look at your skanky smelly ass. Imma a professional thief. I can't promise that shit, not and keep it." Naki muttered, knowing if she promised to this rich ass princess and was found to be in default of said promise... and was caught again she'd be dead as shit. Fuck.

"How 'bout I promise to never recreationally steal shit there for like another two hundred years? Three hundred?" Fuck that would put a damper on her hoard collecting, but the humans were getting some interesting shit as well. She could just bother those fuckers instead...

"Hmmm, you are a thief so to expect you to not steal forever is asking for a lot. So two hundred works amazingly. IF you break this promise I want you to understand that I will catch you and I will cut your hands off and wear them as a fucking souvenir!" The captain said with a serious look on her face.

"But before I let you go..." Des said as the grenade in her hand suddenly started to glow brightly, "REMEMBER NOT TO FUCK WITH DESDEMONA INKOSI THE THIRD!" She yelled as she hurled the item at the women.

"Yeah, I made the fucking promise and I know your ass will shank me. I'm not fucking stupid." Naki grumbled, her body recovered enough that she could portal. Desdemona the Freak was planning on leaving...

"Bye, you animal-fondling shitface experiment." Giving a smirk as she saw the grenade glow, Naki held up her middle finger as she fell through the floor into a portal. The grenade would bounce off of her portal, unable to get into it without her energy.