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 [Xarath Shiru] The Imporance Of Belonging.

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Join date : 2013-03-29

PostSubject: [Xarath Shiru] The Imporance Of Belonging.   Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:43 am

- Xarath backstory -

I doubt anybody will read this and I certainly can understand why. His backstory does not have any influence on anything happening in the present/any other character.
This is just me writing to get it "onto paper". I am just being self-centered here.
The following story will also not have any influence on you other writers - Xarath's actions in the 'now' still won't make any sense.

Just don't expect much. This is going to be some very badly written emo shit.
Don't waste your time guys.


When all is lost.

Heat. Heat heat heat. She had to get away from it, get away from it as fast as possible. It was burning, itching and oh so hurting, but her feet seemed to not be able to carry her any faster. Away from that fire.

She did not know when it happened, it was just so sudden. One moment ago she had been in her young masters bedroom the second her world became aflame.

It had been lighting. Yes it had to had been lighting, which was still striking down, making her shiver to the core. It had happened earlier too. The loud roar of thunder before a yellow bold had stroke down - kissing the mansion and setting it on fire. The sound, it had been so loud, had made her heart set out for a moment before the ceiling fell down on her, burning her.

Only her young master's cry had given her the strength to crawl out of the debris and hurry over to his small form, miraculously unharmed. Maybe the God of Lightning and Thunder had taken pity on him. But fire, fire had been crawling nearer, brushing her feet and licking up the bed. Immediately she had grabbed the boy, kicked open what was left of the window and ran out into the wide openness.

Fire. So much fire. It was hurting so much. She had to get away, get away from it.


Now... now she was running from it. The small boy tightly pressed against her chest while her bare footsteps splashed on the wet grass 'splash' 'splash' 'splash'. Though she was deaf to the sound not even the rain cooling her burns was something she could make out. Only the thunder. Thunder and lighting. She knew that if she didn't try to put as much distance between them and the fire she would certainly be looking for shelter.

But the burns, they hurt so much, hurt so much and set her aflame and she had to get the heir away from it. Away from it. Away...

She fell. One moment ago she was still running and now she was laying on the ground, the young master having rolled away from her - laying some feet away; unmoving and silent.

She tried to get up, but all strength had left her. No matter how much her hands pressed against the wet, slippery ground her body just would not be pushed up. All she could do was lay around helplessly as blackness started to dance in front of her eyes.

Blood was oozing out of her burn wounds, which she did not feel anymore by now.
She was dying.
And he was dying with her.

"Ahh..." she groaned, trying once more. That's when she saw them. Saw the dark, green eyes starring accusingly at her.

She had not managed to bring him to safety.

"Oh god of Lightning and Thunder." she thought weakly, noticing how everything became blurry... how the fire seemed to freeze and cover her body with ice. "Why... why had you punished us like that?"

And the last thing she saw were dark green eyes set into a blank face.
Why... why had it not shaken him too?

Then, then she was gone. Taking with her everything he had been.
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PostSubject: Re: [Xarath Shiru] The Imporance Of Belonging.   Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:49 pm

You'll search for something new.

He did not know for how long he had been wandering around.
He did not know who he was - neither age nor name.
All he knew was how to take one step after the other.
And survive.

Slowly the boy crawled out from under the bushes which he had used as a shelter during the night. He was around seven years old, had dirty, black hair brushing his shoulders and framing his thin, hollow face. His dark green eyes were set back in his sockets and his lips thin and chapped. Around the waist of his frail body was the leftover of a kimono tied around.

He was slowly starving and he knew it.

But the further he had been going the rougher life became. When he was smaller people at least had thrown pieces of bread at him, then they at least cared not enough to mind the little thief, now... now they beat him up once they caught him, leaving him bloody and bruised. Humans here were slowly becoming more and more like animals - growling at each other, barking. They treated each other with disrespect and caution - as if every step could be the last one.

He did not understand why though.

Once, when he had been sitting against a cottage wall together with an elderly woman he heard her cursing 'Shinigami', blaming them for what the world was doing to them. If one were to ask him he would probably just shrug. What changed if he simply blamed somebody? Nothing.

He would still be stuck here.
He would still be alone.
And he would still be hungry.

The boy sighed heavily before slowly putting one foot in front of the other. There was no use to hurry, he had nowhere to go anyway. Though, he would not mind coming across a river today - then he could eat fish tonight. Or maybe a village - the people had to be nicer there. There was just no reason for everybody to be so... were they really cruel?

In the end they also just tried to survive.
Maybe those Shinigami really were to blame, whoever they were.
Were they cruel spirits?

The boy continued to entertain himself by thinking up more and more descriptions of those beings while marching on throughout the wide, lush green scenery.

It was beautiful here, he decided. Everything appeared so fresh and clean, unlike him, who was covered in dirt.
Indeed, finding a river today would be amazing.
The soil that covered parts of him was already itching.


In the end he had not managed to reach any river during the day, but at least a village.

He had managed to reach it as the sun was setting behind the line of trees in the distance, tinting everything in an golden-orange hue. Though what had caught his attention was not the gold in the distance, but the cottages so close to him.

They were surprisingly clean and well-kept.
He had hoped to finally reach a nice place again, but never dared to dream of it.

With slight curiosity in his eyes he stepped into the village once the sun had completely set and glanced around. Most of the people had already locked themselves into their shelters, the evening air still too fresh to stay outside for too long. A slight shiver too, ran up his arms as he took the main path through the village.

He already knew he would not find shelter here tonight though, not with the people ignoring him like that. So far he had knocked on the doors of three cottages, but nobody had opened him. In the end they rather left him outside too, than taking such a filthy thing into their clean homes.
He could not hold it against them.

Still, he sat down on a porch and looked up at the night sky, the moon was disappearing behind thick clouds, which were slowly taking over everything in his view. It soon will start to rain, drenching the village in its wetness and even though he did want to become clean again he was not too fond of the thought of sleeping outside in the rain.

He rather stayed here.

And therefore the boy curled up his frail body into a tiny ball and closed his eyes - staying quiet until the rain set in, which slowly lulled him into sleep.


"God I hate the fucking rain. Whenever that shit falls down on earth we don't get any customers."
"Mi..Miyuki. Please don't curse so much. I am sure we will get twice as many customers tonight."
"You are a crazy optimistic, you fucking know that?"

"Oh both of you, be silent." said the elderly looking woman before opening the wide doors which lead to their porch.

"Cursing at each other won..." she suddenly stopped.
"What now, old hag? Cat got your tongue?" snicked the blond behind her, before glancing over the older woman's shoulder.
"What the fuck is that?"

The woman, to whom the second voice belonged, also stepped up to the other two, also looking over the shoulder.
"Looks like a little girl to me." she said softly.

"Che." the oldest woman pressed out before she kneed down next to the small form.

"Let's just throw it away." the blond muttered before crossing her arms in front of her chest. "That thing is just going to bother us."
"Don't say such awful things, Miyuki. We can't just treat her like that."


"Pardon?" both women said in unison an turned to the older one again.

"It's a boy."

"Even more useless then. Just kick him on the street, Konoe."

"No." Konoe said, determination clear in her voice before picking him up. "We'll keep him."
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PostSubject: Re: [Xarath Shiru] The Imporance Of Belonging.   Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:49 pm

Accepting everything you find.

These women, he soon decided, were... strange.

The oldest one of them, Konoe Shiru, was the one who had woken him up and explained to him that he could stay if he wanted.
He still didn't understand why though.
There was no reason for the old woman to invite him to live here, something the five other women understood as little as him.

Miyuki introduced herself as the oldest of the five. She looked to be in her forties, had dirty blond hair, which she had tied to pigtails. Two thin bangs framed her round face, reaching her chin. Her cold, gray eyes were set deep in her face. She was tall, had lightly tanned skin and curves where they were needed.

Kyoko was the next in line. She looked to be in her late thirties, with pale skin and startling blue eyes. She had long, curly brown hair, which reached her waist and a friendly round face.

Yumi seemed to be in her late thirties too. She had a sharp face, though kind brown eyes and deep black hair reaching her shoulders. She was rather thin, and lacked the curves the other females had.

Miyuri was probably in her early thirties and had dark tanned skinned and an open and playful expression on her face. Her green eyes had the same color as freshly cut grass and her waist-long jet-black hair was wavy and almost seemed a little untamed.

Hikari was the last one. She probably was in her late twenties, had honey-colored, short hair and sparkling blue eyes.

She was also the one on whose lap he was currently sitting, watching the blond fight with Konoe.

"I am not going to spread my legs to give some tiny shit something to eat." he blonde barked at the older woman, who ran a slightly tanned hand through her gray hair.

"I am your boss. I do not ASK you, I TELL you how it is." Konoe replied, her voice even and calm.

"What is it with you? Since when do you care about bastard children?"

"Miyuki. Please stay calm." interrupted Kyoko soothingly. "He is so small, he won't need much."

"Kyoko-nee is right. I don't mind helping him." Miyuri chirped in before pushing her finger back into the pot of honey. Sweets, oh how she adored sweets.

"You are all a bunch of fools! He'll grow and in the end he'll command us around!"

"He won't do that, Miyuki." Hikari finally spoke up, her voice soft, before she turned her attention onto the boy sitting on her lap. "You won't, or?"

He merely shook his head, neither trusting his unused voice nor really knowing what to say.

"See." Miyuri immediately spoke up. "He is a good kid." Then she pushed her honey-covered finger into her mouth – loudly slurping the sticky sweet substance off it.

"What are we going to call him though?" Yumi spoke up from the floor, her back resting against the wooden wall of their cottage. "We can't go on calling him brat, boy or, in Miyuki's case, shit."

"How about Ai?" Koyko suggested carefully.

"The fuck no, Koyko!" Miyuki barked again. "That just sounds fucking gay."

"I am all for Chibi-Chibi."

"Just shut up and eat your honey, Miyuri."

"Xarath." Konoe said.

"You said something, old hag?"

The round woman merely rolled her eyes before repeating herself. "We'll call him Xarath."

"Ohhhh like the character in one of Kyoko's stories." Hikari said happily. "It fits perfectly!"

Miyuki groaned and rubbed her forehead. "We are so going to regret this."

"Oh stop your pessimism." Yumi muttered before glancing at the boy. "Xarath. Do you like that?"

And he could do no else, but smile brightly and nod.
He finally had a name.


Living with those women was by far better than he could have ever dream of.

Most of his time he spent with Konoe, who was kind enough to not mind his presence. She was also patient enough to help him train to speak, something he rarely had to do before.

They surprisingly wanted to hear his voice.

When he was not clinging onto Konoe's sleeve he spent time with the girls. On beautiful days they were outside, behind the cottage, where a stream was running, one he had not noticed on his first night, playing in the water or sitting under a tree, listening to one of Kyoko's many stories.

She was also the one who taught him how to read and write, something that filled him with pride.
He was finally capable of doing something.

Only during the night was he not allowed to be with them. Then they were working.
He still wasn't sure what they were doing exactly. Since when was work a game?

During the night men came who visited them. They sat down in red, comfortable couches, close to the sisters who were still present, who had not left with other men to their rooms. They talked and they laughed and they touched and when he asked Hikari told him they were playing games. Though, what games they played he had not yet found out.

That was not part of his job anyway.

In order to help them out, to thank them for letting him stay, he was responsible for cleaning the cottage and when night arrived, to fill the cups of all those men, who visited, with whatever kind of beverage they wanted.

Konoe didn't seem too happy about him doing that. Often, when the men grabbed him one time too much, when they tried to lift him up onto their laps, she suddenly appeared right next to him, telling him sternly to go back to his room.

He did not like it, when that happened. He felt like he had somehow let the older woman down, as if it was not good enough what he did. As if he did something that was not allowed, but... he always played around with his sisters, why was he not allowed to play with the customers?


"Oh please Kyoko-nee! Tell us the story of Hotaru and Kaien again." Miyuri pleaded while rolling onto the soft green grass, some feet away from where their older sister was sitting.

"Oh yes please, yes please!" Xarath chirped immediately and sat himself down onto the brunette's lap. "I wanna hear it again! It's my favofavourite story." he explained happily.

"You just like it because the good guy gets the princess." Yumi said amused while arranging the flowers laying in front of her.

"No." he said sternly his expression becoming serious.

"Well why then, Xarath-kun?" Hikari asked softly while braiding Miyuki's hair, who was again scowling at him.

He did not mind it anymore though, was far too used to her expression. "Duh." he said happily. "Because the prince comes for the princess." he chirped. "I wanna have a prince coming for me too!"

Instead of having the women agree with him like he expected, they started to laugh. Immediately a scowl appeared on his face.

"You wanna leave us already, Xarath-kun?" Hikari said mocked hurt.

"No... nonono I swear I not wanna leave you!" he said, slight panic in his voice. "The prince will take you with him and me."

"So we all live happily ever after?" Kyoko asked softly.

"Yes!" he exclaimed before grinning up at her.

"Well then, I guess I have to tell the story again."

Miyuki only snorted and rolled her eyes.
Bunch of idiots.
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PostSubject: Re: [Xarath Shiru] The Imporance Of Belonging.   Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:50 pm

Even if it hurts you.

"It cannot go on like that, Konoe. If he wants to be a part of the family he has to work."
The elderly woman sighed. "And what do you suggest he should do? He is serving the customers and cleaning your rooms. He is doing more than enough here."

Xarath knew he was not supposed to eavesdrop, but he simply could not help it. They were talking about him and judging by their voices it was serious. Carefully and as silently as possible he crawled closer to the door leading into Konoe's room. Kneeing in front of it once he reached it.

"Oh please, you know I am not talking about that."
"Miyuki! You better not suggest what I think you are suggesting. The boy is only eleven."
"They are interested in him! We could earn so much money if he helped us."
"I repeat, he is eleven! You haven't started until you were 200! How dare you bring this up."
"If he wants to belong here he has to work like everybody else does!"
"Get out."
"I told you to get out!"

He could hear how Miyuki growled before footsteps were coming his way. Immediately he made himself smaller, making it impossible for his oldest sister to see him.

Once the female turned around the corner and move out of his sight he stood up before quietly hurrying to his room.

Why wouldn't Konoe allow it?
The men called him doll, they liked him being with them. It shouldn't be that difficult to entertain them. If he ran out of topics to talk about he would just tell a story like Kyoko did.

If he only needed to be with the customers like his sisters he would do it.
He wanted to prove himself to Miyuki.
He wanted to belong.


That night he wore his cleanest kimono, one his sisters gave him to his birthday. It was of a dark green silk, contrasting with his pale skin and bringing out the green of his eyes.

Once he saw Miyuri leaving her room he quietly walked inside and went up to her vanity, sitting down onto her stool. His sisters had often enough applied make-up on him, it should not be that difficult to do on his own. Besides, he had to be his prettiest tonight, like his sisters always were, otherwise nobody would talk with him. And if nobody talked with him he could not get his job done.

Carefully he picked up the coal to draw a thin, black line under his eyes, making them stand out even more. Should he do more? Unsure he chewed on his lower lip and looked down onto Miyuri's collection of lipsticks. They were so beautiful, but if he overdid it his sisters would laugh again. Not good, definitely not good.

When he was done he carefully walked out of the room and down the stairs, peeking into the entrance hall.
Konoe was not present.
But a lot of customers were.

Taking a deep breath he tried to ignore the nervous flutter before stepping inside, unsure of what to do next.
Maybe... maybe he should just ask one man what he wanted to drink. It usually always started a conversation.
Deciding that this was most likely the best way to handle his problem he took another look around, trying to spot a friendly face.

There, on the couch a little further away from him, sat a tall, broad-shouldered man with gray hair and brown eyes. Xarath didn't really like the look in them, but the man seemed rich and therefore it was important that he was entertained. Carefully he looked around once more, only Miyuki present, but she was already wooing two other males left and right of her.
His other sisters were probably currently playing with their customers.

Once more he took a deep, hopefully calming, breath before slowly walking over to the male, his eyes only fixed on him, trying to ignore his sister who was still present. Luckily it was just Miyuki, the others probably wouldn't have allowed it.

"Good evening, Sir." he said softly with an edge of nervousness in his voice. Swallowing heavily he finally looked into his eyes, noticing how he seemed to muster him.

Then, as if making up his mind, the male smiled down at him. "Why hello, my doll." he replied gently before reaching out with his big hand, brushing Xarath's cheek. "My, my, aren't you lovely."

"Thank you, Sir." he answered to the praise. Konoe had told him that he always needed to watch his manners, especially when dealing with customers. "May... may I entertain you?"

"Entertain me?" the male repeated before a smirk spread over his lips. "Nothing would make me happier, my doll." he murmured before picking up the boy and settling him onto his lap. "What's your name?"

"Xarath, Sir." he replied, once more feeling nervous. Konoe did not like it when they picked him up and placed him onto their laps. Oh she will be so mad at him if she found out that he allowed somebody to do so.

"Xarath, what an unusual name." the man said before leaning forward and brushing his lips over the boy's forehead. "But it suits you. You are unique, my doll. And so beautiful." he continued before brushing a finger down the boy's nape.

"Thank you, Sir." he chirped happily. The man had said he was beautiful! Maybe just like one of those princesses in Kyoko's stories?

"No, no, my doll. Thank you for being here with me." Then he leaned forward, his lips brushing Xarath's ear. "Tell me, my doll. Do you have your own room?"

Immediately he nodded. "Yes, Sir. You want to go there and play?"

The man chuckled. "Oh I would love nothing more." he replied before setting the boy back onto his feet and standing up.

Xarath took him by his hand, before smiling up at him and showing him the way to his room.
Konoe was wrong. He could do it too!

Once they reached his room he let the man inside before closing the door behind them again.

"Lock the door, my doll."
"Oh?" Of course. His sisters did that too. "Yes, Sir." he replied before locking it and stepping up to the man.

Though... suddenly he did not feel that brave anymore. He did not like that smirk on the man's face and like before his eyes were making shivers run down his back.


"Miyuki, have you seen Hasane-sama?" Hikari asked her sister softly once she stepped into the entrance hall.
"He was waiting here for me, but now I cannot find him anywhere."

"Ah, don't worry." the blonde murmured before leaning against the couch and closing her eyes. "He left around five minutes ago."

"He... he left?" the younger one asked startled. "But..."

"Is Xarath in his room?" Konoe, who was followed by Kyoko and Miyuri, asked.

"We met Katen-sama outside and he left us some candy." the brown haired one explained.

"Yes, he should still be up in his room." Miyuki informed before she glanced at them. "He was serving Hasane-sama tonight."

"Mi...Miyuki. Please don't joke about something like that."

"Che... go and see yourself."

Immediately the elder woman turned on her heels and rushed out of the hall, down the corridor and to her son's room, followed immediately by the other females.

Without hesitation she opened the door and stepped inside, where she abruptly came to a halt.

The sheets were undone, the pillows piled onto the floor. Blood stained a path to the thin thighs of the boy sitting on the bed - his knees against his chest and arms wrapped around them - wearing an expression of utter shock.

The only noise in the room was the repetitive clicking of his tongue.
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PostSubject: Re: [Xarath Shiru] The Imporance Of Belonging.   Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:50 pm

And you take it.

Konoe neither knew what to say nor what to do. Every click of his tongue sent a prang to her chest, making it hard for her to breath.

She should have kept closer watch over him.

"And?" This one word managed to bring her out of her thoughts and she set her eyes on Miyuki. Koyko, who had slowly tried to move towards the boy stopped in her tracks too.

"Miyuki?" Hikari asked softly.

"Well, boy. How much did you earn tonight?"

"Don't... don't ask him this now, please." Miyuri pleaded gently, stepping towards the blond.

She did not want to hear anything of it though and walked over to the bed, grabbing his thin shoulders.

"How much? How much did he pay for you?" she repeated and shook his shoulders.

Only this, finally, pulled him out of his trance and with wide eyes he looked at his older sister.

"Mi...Miyuki?" Tongue click.

"How much?"

"This is enough." Konoe barked before stepping up to them, grabbing Miyuki by her hair and throwing her onto the floor. "You have done..."

"He gave me some tea leaves. Why?"

"Tea leaves?" Miyuki repeated darkly. "You sold your virginity for some tea leaves?"

"What is...?"

Though he did not come any further - immediately the back of the blonde's hand met his cheek – snapping his head to the side.

Once more rendered speechless he could do nothing but hold his cheek while looking at her with painful eyes.

What... had he done wrong now?

The girls immediately took action, grabbing Miyuki by the shoulders and pulling her away from him, while she could not hold her anger back any longer. "TEA LEAVES!!! YOU FUCKING BASTARD SOLD YOURSELF FOR TEA LEAVES!?!?!?! HOW NAIVE CAN ONE BE? CONGRATULATION, YOU ARE THE CHEAPEST WHORE EVER! TEA LEAVES!!! WE COULD HAVE MADE A FORTUNE WITH YOUR ASS! TEA LEAVES!!!"

Xarath bit his lower lip until he drew blood while trying to resist the urge to cover his ears. What a horrible sound; ...a horrible noise.
Why was she being so loud?

Why could he never do anything right?

"Hikari, Miyuri." Konoe started calmly - her eyes fixed onto her son whose attention was now on her. He looked so hurt... "Escort Miyuki to her room. I think she needs some rest. Kyoko. Please clean up Xarath."

Then she turned on her heels and left the room.

Was she disappointed in him too now?
Were they all?
Tongue click.


"You asked for me, Konoe?" Xarath asked once he had opened the door.
"Yes. Close the door behind you and come closer." the old woman murmured while her eyes were still fixed on the papers in front of her.

The boy nodded before doing as she told him to, still limping when walking.

It was the most painful option right now, though sitting and laying weren't pleasurable either. Not that he wanted to stay in his room right now - the memories still shook him up and the smell... the smell of sweat and male musk... he just couldn't get it out of his room anymore.

Xarath clicked his tongue three times before stopping in front of the desk.

"Kyoko has helped you?"
"Yes." he answered softly.
"Are you pained?"
"Nnnnn-n-no." he stuttered.
"I hate liars."
"I am... I am sorry." he murmured before bowing his head in shame.
"You don't do this again, have you heard..."
"No." he interrupted her.

"Pardon?" she asked perplexed, confusion clear in her voice as she finally looked at him.
"I... I will do it again." he said shakily before raising his head again.
"What are you saying?"
"I want to belong. I will do... will do everything for you, I swear."
Konoe sighed heavily before rubbing her temples. "You already belong, boy."
"No I don't. I am just 'the boy'. I want... I wanna have my own family. I don't need to live off you."
"You are too young."
"That's alright."
"No, it is not. You shouldn't have been touched in the first place."
"Please." He fell onto his knees - the impact hurting him - bowing in front of her. "I just want to have a family."

Slowly the old woman stood up and glanced over her desk. He was right... even though they all made sure to always take him with them... he had always been the servant. Every sister paid her deeds. He did not.

But he was far too young for this. Far too young. She couldn't possible allow this.

"Kyoko said I am already tainted anyway."
Kyoko. Of course. She had been a geisha once. It did not surprise her that the girl would say something like that.
"It will get worse."
"I am willing to do everything for you."

Konoe sat back down onto her chair and rubbed a hand over her face.
"Alright." she finally said, her voice low. "Go and talk with Miyuri. She will teach you how to prepare yourself... your body for the men."

Immediately Xarath stood up, clicked his tongue twice and nodded.
"Thank you." he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Get out of my eyes now."

He nodded and turned around - quickly leaving her to her work.

He did not want to do it - ever again. The nightmares were haunting him but... but for them he could bear it.
Though was that not overly pompous of him? In the end he was not doing it for them, he was doing it for himself. Buying a family.
How egoistical of him.


Xarath had made up his mind, but that did not make it any easier.

Every night he had different men between his thighs, splitting him open and making his body cramp with pain. Miyuri had showed him how to prepare himself, the memory of that lesson still made him blush, but it did nothing to lessen any of the ache it left his body in.

When he met them in the entrance hall they were sweet talking with him, praising his beauty and sometimes even giving him gifts - beautiful jeweleries, clothes and other trinkets, but as soon as they were done with his body they left in a hurry.

Why would none of them stay? Why would none of them compliment him afterward? He had been hoping that one man turned out to be his prince, but so far he could call himself happy when they did not hurt him too much, were not too sadistic, enjoyed the power not too much.


"You said something?" Yumi asked and looked up from the sheet she was currently sewing.

"I am... I am starving." he repeated, clicked his tongue and started to look through the cabinets.

"Starving? Why would you be starving?"

"So far I always had this feeling that I need to eat... but those last days... I feel like I have a hole in my belly." he answered and continued his search for food while clicking his tongue. “And today... it hurts...”

"I think we have some biscuits in one of the lower cabinets."
"Thank you." he answered politely before claiming his prize.

"You said you have been more hungry lately?"
"Starving." he corrected her and clicked his tongue. "And it had never before been so painful as the last half an hour."
"Maybe you just ran out of energy. You should lay down." she advised before settling her eyes back onto her work.

Xarath nodded, swallowed down his last bite and stood up while clicking his tongue. "That's actually a good idea. Thank you."

Yumi nodded, smiling at him.


Xarath stepped into his room, closed the door behind himself and leaned against it. Over the last year it had changed.

He had a wider bed now, which was covered with various sheets and pillows - one more colorful than the other. The door leading outside onto the porch was covered by dark red curtains - other bars of silk were draped over his old cupboard, over his chair and some even merely laying on the floor. A huge mirror was now hanging on the wall over his desk, which was now covered with various beauty products.

Still, the huge sword laying on his bed was something new.

Slowly he stepped over to it, before carefully picking it up. It was huge and golden and... not his. Immediately he took a look around - sensing nobody nearby before his eyes settled back onto the treasure in his hands.

Maybe it was a gift?
That meant it belonged to him.

Well it was the only explanation for it being here and if it really belonged to somebody else he could give it back again. Though, who would leave something like that here anyway?
No, somehow he knew it was his.


Xarath clicked his tongue while his back rested against the doorframe leading from their kitchen outside into the garden - his feet were pushed up at the other end of it.

He had his eyes closed, listening to the rain falling outside while clicking his tongue from time to time.

His sisters had already grown used to it.

"I am so bored. Can't you tell us a story, Kyoko?" Hikari asked and sat down on a chair. "Let us hear of the geishas again."

"I would do anything to be like a geisha." Xarath murmured, not even noticing how he spoke out loud, before clicking his tongue twice.

"I am sorry, you cannot be a geisha. They are artists, they are pure, y..."

"And I am filthy." he said softly before opening his eyes to glance at Kyoko.

"That's... that's not what I..."

He shrugged. "I am talking about their beauty. If I could just be..."

"I think we all want that." Miyuri chirped up before sighing dreamily. "Just imagine... all of us beautiful with everybody swooning about us." She giggled.

Xarath smiled softly at her. "Yeah that'd..."

"Oh stop it." Miyuki muttered before crossing one leg over the other. "You guys know that's utter bullshit. So help him get out of that crappy daydream and don't encourage it."

"What's so wrong about dreaming, Miyuki?" Kyoko asked her softly.

"It pains him more when he finally wakes up and realizes he'll never be worth more than somebody is willing to pay for him." the blond muttered before uncrossing her legs again and walking towards him.

"Let's... let's talk about something else.” Hikari spoke up, the tune of her voice pleading. He had nothing left but his dreams, why could the other not understand?

“Now listen, Xarath.” Miyuki spoke up once she kneed in front of him, trying her hardest to ignore that annoying clicking of his tongue. “Nobody will ever love you. And nobody will ever bother coming for you.”

He swallowed heavily and tried to press his trembling lips together.

“People,” she continued. “will never give a fucking damn about you. Did any of those men ever ask you if they hurt you?”


“Did any of them ever ask you how you are feeling?”

Not after his job was done.

“Did any of then ever care?”


Once more he swallowed heavily – feeling how his eyes started to tear up.

Immediately the blond punched the wall next to his face.

“Don't bother crying now. In case you have not noticed, nobody cares. They do not want to hear about your dreams. They do not want to hear about your hopes. They are not interested in what you love and what you want. They don't like you.

Five tongue clicks were the only response she received.

“So stop your sorrowful complaining. And stop your damn dreaming.”

Miyuki stood up again and turned around.

“Nobody, will ever love you. And nobody has the patience to listen to you any longer.”

She started to walk out of the kitchen.

“You are not worth it.”

Tongue click.


“People often mistake a geisha for a whore when it is not so. Geisha are artists, whores are merely cheap.” Tongue click. “I really would love to see a geisha sometime, but I guess... it's not possible.”

He curled himself into an even tighter ball under his bed.

She had been right – nobody cared about his feelings and he certainly could not always talk to his sisters about them. He was nothing but a whiny little boy.
Why was he so weak?

He sighed heavily and brushed a finger down the hilt of his sword, his loyal companion.
The only one that could not run away from hearing his complains.

At least this here was his sanctuary.
Under his bed nobody would ever have to see him.


He had just applied a layer of crimson red lipstick onto his lips when somebody knocked onto his door.

“Yes?” he purred before closing the lid.

“Xarath.” Yumi spoke up. “Konoe wishes to see us in the entrance hall.”

“I will be there shortly.” he murmured before glancing back into the mirror, feeling a prang when he did. How he loathed what he saw.

His eyes were circled with a thick, dramatic, line of black, his cheeks were adored by a light pink blush and his lips a luxurious red.
Work would start in one hour.

Xarath clicked his tongue twice before shaking his head and slowly standing up – ready to leave for the entrance hall.

Once he entered it he could barely resist the urge to wrap his loose, dark red kimono, which was barely held together with a golden sash, tighter around himself.

His sisters standing in line in front of Konoe and a stranger was surely an unusual sight.

Carefully he stepped into line, clicked his tongue and waited for further instructions.

“And this is Xarath.” Konoe said, her eyes set onto the stranger who was now mustering him. “He has been working here for four years now and is the only male in the group.”

The man nodded and took a step forward. “I will take him then. He might not be as filthy as the others.” He chuckled slightly. “And as you know Shiru-sama - only the best for our prince.”

Prince? Had the man said a prince was coming? He would... he would finally meet a prince?

“A wise decision. Your master will be well pleased by him.” Konoe murmured and turned her eyes finally on Xarath – pride in her eyes.

“Still, he asked for me to check out the goods, otherwise I would not be here.”

The elderly woman nodded. “As expected of him.”

She would have said prince. But she did not. He was no prince - just one of those nobles who liked to visit. With their shiny outsides and filthy intentions. Just like those Shinigami.

“Xarath. Please lead Yamada-san to your room.”

He nodded at her before clicking his tongue three times and turning to the other male. “Yamada-san.” he said gently before bowing deeply.

The tall man nodded in greeting before gesturing with his hand to the door. “Shall we?”

“Of course Sir.” Xarath murmured, clicked his tongue twice and lead the other male to his room.

As soon as they entered his room he closed the door behind them and locked it.

“I am here to test you out.” The man stated professionally before turning around.

Five tongue clicks then Xarath nodded. “Of course. How do you want me, Sir?” he murmured and lowered his head in respect.

“It won't take long.” the man informed him. “Just bend over your vanity and let me check how loose you are.”

How... immediately a bright blush covered his cheeks. “Pardon?”

“Well you have been working for four years now, every night and as far as I have been informed you had more than one customer a night so... my master only wants the best products. And well, you will surely understand that he is not interested in something... overused.”

Xarath swallowed heavily “Of course I understand.” he said, his voice breathless before lowering his head even more.

“Perfect. Let's get started then.”

Xarath clicked his tongue. “Do you need any lube?”

“Oh no, thank you. I have gloves.”

Of course.

Once more Xarath clicked his tongue before walking up to his vanity. He clicked his tongue three times while moving the chair out of the way. Then he placed his palms onto his desk, waiting for the other male to continue.

He could not hear, but feel how the other male came closer before careless hands pushed away the ends of his kimono – giving him free access to his buttocks. Xarath closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, trying not to flinch when he felt the other's gloved hands on his bare skin.

He hated human contact.

Before he could waste any more thoughts on it he felt how a finger brushed over his cleft, before pushing inside.

He clicked his tongue five times even though he tried to be silent.

“Hmmmm...” the other male hummed. “You could be tighter. It could also be worse though.”

Why did this... hurt so much?

Slowly he opened his eyes, watching them in the mirror as he tried everything within his power to hold back a sob.

Miyuki was right. He was only worth as much as men paid for him.
And they never paid much.

”Worthless. I am so worhtless.”
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PostSubject: Re: [Xarath Shiru] The Imporance Of Belonging.   Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:51 pm

And you become small.

A wild roar rang through the cottage before a loud clash could be heard.

Konoe sighed and rubbed her temples.
“We have ruined him.” she murmured tiredly.

“What are you muttering about, old hag?” Miyuki muttered and sat herself down onto the wide brown couch.

“Xarath. We... we just watched it happen.”
“Che. He just has no spine.”
“No spine? He was too young. Far too young.” the old woman murmured and shook her head.
“He should just swallow it down. I have no fucking clue why he is such a whim anyway. Probably because you fools pampered him far too much... let him dream for far too long.”
“What should we have done then? Take away the last thing he had? He never played with other children, was only surrounded by old, twisted women and had to serve...” She placed her head into her hands. “You were right, Miyuki. I should have never taken him in.”
“Bah, he will be alright. As soon as he accepted that fact that nobody will ever see anything in him he'll stop the whimpering.” The blond shrugged. "Just as we all did."
“I already fear that moment.”


Letting out a wild roar Xarath picked up the chair and threw it against the door, not caring if it was damaged or not.

Between his non-stop tongue clicking he took in deep gulps of air – feeling like he was drowning.

The prince... the noble... had just left an hour ago. Without a word; just a sneer and a look of arrogance on his face.

It was just too clear what the male had thought of him.

“Nothing. I am nothing.”

With tear filled eyes Xarath placed his hands onto his vanity, looking back into his mirror – like he had done three days ago – when he was tested.

They came here, wooed him, gave him all those compliments and stopped as soon as he was beneath them. They punished, they pained and they owned.

His hands balled into fists as his tongue clicking finally stopped due to him biting down onto his lower lip.

The image in the mirror was looking back at him, smirking – mocking him.

You are so ugly. So very ugly. You are weak, spineless, without a talent, unimportant...


He yelled at it, for once raising his voice before grabbing the sides of the mirror, lifting it from the wall and smashing it against the floor.

Not caring where the shards scattered he let himself fall and landed onto his knees, holding his sides while starting with his tongue clicking again.

Why couldn't he do any better?

Xarath swallowed back a sob, they would be disappointed if they saw, before crawling under his bed where he grabbed the hilt of his sword tightly.

“They have their own packages to carry and yet I am the one who is crying. Why am I not like them? Why can I do nothing but whine?” he murmured silently with a shaking voice while tears were running down his cheeks.

But nobody was allowed to see it.


Xarath leaned against the doorframe of their entrance door, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he watched the children play tag in the middle of the village.

He had always played tag with his sisters, he knew just too well how free one could feel when running.

Though somehow, their laughter annoyed him to no end.

He growled low while glaring even harder at them.

How dare they run around like that and laugh?

They played outside and had fun while their parents had to work. They should help out. What were they offering to their families? How could they be so happy when the world was so cruel?

When had he started to hate children like that?
They were not the only ones though, were they?
No. Shinigami... and nobles... were by far worse.

Men living in Rukongai at least had the excuse that they needed something nice during their hard life, but them?
They came here, arrogant and feeling superior, throwing their money into their faces – the money they earned for protecting and then claimed them, claimed them without ever caring.

“Gotei 13. The Protection Squads.” Three tongue clicks. ”When was the last time they came to Rukongai to actually protect?" He could not recall ever seeing something like this – if it happened, then before he had been born.

A loud squeal turned his attention back onto the children, who were now all laying on a pile and laughing brightly.

”Those little...”

“Miyuki.” he murmured instead before clicking his tongue.

The blond stepped outside and stopped next to him.

“How did you notice?” she muttered and glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes.
He merely shrugged before clicking his tongue again. “I just do.” he muttered. Ever since... it started he had become emphatic of human presences, but it was something she did not need to know.

“Have you been crying your eyes out again, brat?”
“Oh wow, I am surprised.” she said mockingly. “What brought this change upon you?”
“I guess I died.”
“Well that's good.” she snorted. “It was about time you acc...”
“No. It's not good.”

Miyuki lifted her eyebrow and watched him turn around.

“Because I am becoming like you.” he murmured before disappearing inside.

And for the first time in hundred years surprise rendered her speechless.


A loud crash and then half of the ceiling fell down. With a wide jump forward Xarath tried to get out of the way, but he was too slow – debris trapping his leg under it.

He groaned in pain as he lay on the floor and wiped some of the blood out of his eyes.

Fucking Hollows.

For whatever reason they decided to attack their village – long tentacles crashing their cottages and big fangs tearing them apart.

Xarath heard a loud scream coming from further down the corridor.

”Hikari.” he thought panicked before turning and sitting up, holding onto his left leg and pulling it out. It hurt, the wood was cutting into his flesh, but nothing that could stop him now.

When he had freed himself he jumped up again and continued on his way to his room. Once he was inside he immediately fell to the ground and rolled under his bed, where he picked up his sword, rolled back out and made his way outside.

He needed to defend his family.

As soon as he was in the open again he stopped in his tracks taking in the scene in front of him. Blood was splattered onto the wooden pieces that once were cottages. Limbs laying around, people screaming in terror and Hollows roaring.

He took a deep breath and unsheathed his sword.
He'd go down fighting.

Holding tighter onto the hilt, not even knowing how to use it, Xarath clicked his tongue twice before running towards the first Hollow he saw.
Immediately the beast set its eyes onto him, shrieking so high-pitched that it shocked him to the core and then swung a tentacle at him. Xarath had just time to block it with his sword, but the impact sent him flying some feet away – leaving him breathless once his back connected with the ground.


Groaning he turned his head to his side, forgetting how to breath once it hit him.

Miyuri. She was trying to crawl towards him, her legs laying some feet behind her.

“Nonononono.” he repeated over and over as he watched her with wide eyes. “Miyuri. Miyuri go and hide! PleaAHHHH.”

The Hollow's mouth closed around her petite body and with one loud crunch she was gone.

Xarath started to click his tongue again, but before he could get one sob out he felt how a tentacle was again moving towards him. Quickly he rolled out of its way before grabbing his sword again and standing up.

Once more he dashed forward, managing to jump over two tentacles and chopping off a third one before a fourth one sent him crashing against a wall. He groaned, but this time he did not stop down. Immediately he charged forward again, intending to kill as many Hollows as possible.

But why wouldn't they come?
”Damn Shinigami.” he thought angrily as he finally managed to shove his blade into the head of one of the monsters, making it shriek once more before it fell onto the ground. He had no time to check if it really was dead though as another one was already turning up beside him, trying to hit him with its appendages.

Xarath had no clue for how long he had been fighting, but he was running out of energy, not used to the combat. He breathed heavily as he brushed sweat and hair out of his line of vision. His movements had become slower, his reaction time even longer. Therefore it came to not surprise when another tentacle managed to hit him in the side making him slide along the ground until his head connected with their former porch.

He groaned as stars danced in front of his eyes, making his hand relax around the hilt of his sword. Luckily he had already become numb to all the pain of the bruises and bites the Hollows had left on him.

He could not stop here though.

Groaning he pushed himself up, grabbing his sword again when suddenly a streak of blond came into his line of vision. Immediately he crawled over to it and pushed the wood out of the way – freeing Miyuki.

“Brat.” she chocked out before coughing heavily.
“Mi... Miyuki.” he whispered, carefully laying his hand onto her cheek. “I am... I am gonna make it alright.”
The blond laughed tiredly and slowly shook her head. “You... you always try to make it better. Nobody is ever going to try to make your world better though. Why... why do you do it?”
He swallowed heavily, not daring to cry in front of her. “Because... because that's who I am.”
“That's... that's not good.”
He bowed his head in shame until he felt her soft hand on his thigh. Immediately he looked back into her eyes, for once those gray pools shimmered softly. “But don't become like me... either.” She coughed again. “Xarath, plea...” But she did not manage to finish her sentence – her last breath had left her.

Before he could even react to it a tentacle connected with his back, slamming his lower half onto Miyuki, his upper half against the ground.
He coughed, blackness dancing in front of his eyes.

He could feel how a tentacle wrapped itself around his leg before pulling him into the air.

The last thing he saw, before darkness enclosed him completely, was a huge mouth opening up under him.
And all he could hope for, was that he would die with them.
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